Breathing Room: What I Want
by Hathien Elebriwien Ranor
Summary: A song fic with Olivia at its heart. Can you guess the song? One shot!


_A/N This idea came to me suddenly the other day while driving along and listening to my iPod on the stereo. This song came on, beautiful and sad and got me thinking. Some of the lyrics just lent themselves to Lemonade Mouth and today I finally got a chance to write it. I've edited it several times but I'm sure since I did this so quickly I've missed a few rough spots or typos. If you see any tell me so I can fix them. _

_Technically this is a one shot songfic but I'm not telling you what the song is. See if you can figure it out. There are hints littered throughout. Big virtual hugs to everyone that figures it out. Heck, big virtual hugs if you even try to guess!_

_As always I'm not a copyright holder for Lemonade Mouth and this story is purely for fun. Since the song isn't even referenced here I probably don't need to mention it but I don't own it (except the mp3 download I bought years ago.) _

_Be on the look out for a couple of fun stories coming later this weekend. Bubblelina15 and I have been scheming. _

_Oh and sorry about my horrible Latin at the end. Its been a while since I studied it._

* * *

><p>Breathing Room: What I Want<p>

Olivia sat hunched over her text book staring blankly at the words blurred before her. So lost in her own sad little world she didn't notice the rumpled figure standing in front of her perch on the couch.

"'Livia" Stella repeated softly touching her shoulder.

"Stella! Sorry I guess I zoned out. What are you doing up? Its- wait what time is it?" She glance at the wall clock she could see in the kitchenette, "2 am. What are you doing up? Don't you have that mock trial thing tomorrow?"

Stella sighed and sat down on the other end of the couch, "You should talk. I know you have 4 classes tomorrow. Still having trouble sleeping?"

Olivia grimaced slightly but refused to be diverted. "Nice try but I asked you first. Why are you still awake?"

Stella threw her head against the back of the couch, closed her eyes and sighed again. "I knew I was making a mistake. I wouldn't bother you with it considering everything but I need to talk to someone. I'd take it to Mo but she's even more straight out than we are. "

Olivia reached out and patted Stella's knee giving it a small shake when her friend didn't open her eyes. "Its fine Stella, just tell me. I'll see what we can figure out."

Stella gave her a small sad smile, wishing she could solve Olivia's problem in return. "It's Ray and in way, Pete. Ray is driving me crazy. I should never have gotten involved with him. He's so needy and clingy. I can't go anywhere without telling him, or talk to anyone without him needing to know who it is. Then there are all the calls and tweets and lovey comments he posts CONSTANTLY!" She grabbed a pillow and slammed it against her face as she tossed her head back again.

Olivia studied her friend, only mildly surprised by the revelation about Ray. That he was a control freak was not a surprise. That it was a cover for his insecurities, she supposed wasn't a complete bombshell either. Her psych class the previous year should have given her some idea about him if she had chosen to pay attention, both to Ray and the class. But she had been happily preoccupied. Olivia shook the thoughts away and gazed at her friend. There was more that Stella had only hinted at that needed to be aired still.

"What else, Stella?" She asked gently.

The dark haired girl dropped her pillow but kept her eyes closed, a small upward curve of her lips suggesting at a pleasant image in her head. "Pete"

"What about him," the blond pressed.

"I miss him, a lot. I think I might even love him." Stella glanced sideways at her friend through half closed eyes.

"He's still talking to you right?" Olivia asked feeling the small stab in her chest at the words.

"Yeah, every day, right after my last class, he walks me to the bus."

"Stella," Olivia shook her head giving Stella a small grin. "dump Ray. Just break up with him. Be honest about it, he'll be hurt for a while but you'll both be better off. Give it a couple weeks then ask Pete out. I'm sure he'll say yes again. It's a place to start anyway."

Stella studied her blond friend, noticing the pain her eyes despite the smile that pulled at her lips. She leaned forward to pull her friend into a strong hug, "Com'ere. You're the best. I so wish I could do something for you. Move time back or forward, smack him upside the head, something." Stella sniffed feeling tears building in her eyes. "It's not fair."

"No Stella, it _is_ fair. I was my actions that started it and I need to see it through. I should have been paying better attention to what was important and not taking it for granted." There was a small hitch in Olivia's voice as she spoke but the firmness in her tone suggested that she was determined to find the strength to discover her own answers.

They broke apart, Stella rising from the couch. She paused to look at her friend again. The blond sat with her head down, fighting to maintain control. Stella leaned down to kiss her friend on the head before walking wordless back to her room, giving Olivia the privacy she knew the girl wanted at that moment.

Alone again Olivia sat on the couch, drawing her knees up to her chest as tears softly fell from her eyes; she covered her face with her hands. Taking deep breaths she reminded herself to keep breathing.

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Mo and Stella chatted happily beside Olivia as they entered the studio building on campus. Olivia was silent as she walked with them, her nerves on edge as they usually were in recent months. Part of her didn't want to be here, to be honest that part just wanted to walk away from all of it; USC, her degree, the band, and even her friends. That part of her just didn't have the strength to continue the struggle that facing band practice entailed.

There was another, stronger part of her that refused to give up. Music was why she was here in the first place. To turn her back on it would have denied herself and her band. Besides, the opportunity to have these facilities at their disposal was largely unheard of for other students here at Thornton. Availability was typically limited, except to them. Having the members of Lemonade Mouth, a world class rock band, attending the hallowed halls of the University of Southern California was a mark of prestige for the school, to have 4 of the members students of the Thorton Music school was a phenomena that needed to be acknowledged and encouraged. So running away wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

Besides, he had promised that until things worked themselves out, and even after, they would remain friends. Maybe even best friends. The problem was he wouldn't talk to her, not without one or all of the other band members around. Typically band practice was the only time that they really even saw each other. And she missed him. She missed everything about him. There was no denying that she was still deeply in love with him and always would be.

When she walked into the studio that afternoon, tagging along behind Mo and Stella, as always the first person she looked for was Wen. As always their gazes locked and he gave her a warm smile. And as always, she felt her breath hitch in her chest and a surge of profound love and sadness slice through her heart. She regretted what led them to this impasse. She dropped her eyes from his first, drawing a deep breath and another keeping her emotions in check.

Olivia as usual of late moved on autopilot during practice. The music they worked on was all older well known things. While she was capable of writing simple jingles and other nonsense bits that let her get by in class, her talents had hit a road block against writing anything meaningful for recording. Her guilt and sadness had swallowed her up and everyone knew it. Stella had pointed out when it became obvious that Olivia needed time, which since they were in school and their schedules were so demanding it probably wasn't the worst time for it to happen. They could take a break from recording and work on techniques and details while they allowed Olivia time to heal.

Once she'd tried to talk to him after practice, seeing him linger by his keyboard, shuffling sheet music into his bag. He'd slowly looked at her when she'd said his name, studying her face as if he'd never see her again. He'd reached out to touch her cheek and rub a gentle thumb across her chin before dropping his hand and calling out to Charlie and Stella to wait for him.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The request had been his and she had felt obligated to agree to it. She hadn't wanted to but her own guilt had forced her to agree. She and Wen had been together for 2 years when it happened. They're relationship had become more physical 4 months prior and the bond since that first afternoon had been blissful. Olivia had surprised herself that first afternoon, timidly seducing him in her hotel room during that short summer tour. They'd spend the rest of the day and all night together just spending time alone with each other. But then 4 months later he caught her gazing at another male student in the dining hall. At first she hadn't even realized that she had. But then it happened two more times though the final straw was when one of them approached her during breakfast as Wen was getting up to get them some more juice. That evening he was intense and sweet telling her repeatedly that he loved her. Then next morning he gave her one last kiss and suggested that she take some time, maybe six months or a year, date other boys and see what she wanted. He'd gently reminded her that he was her first and only boyfriend, while he had had a couple of others before her, though she was his first time in everything else. He didn't want her settling and thought she should explore her options. He'd be there if she decided she wanted him and only him. No was not an option.

She'd tried to honor his request. She'd accepted a few dates from various guys on campus, but half way through each date she's start comparing them to Wen and only ended up frustrated and called it a night early. From Stella, Mo, and Scott she's learned that Wen had also attempted to date but was home to the apartment he shared with Scott early each time. They told her he had given up quicker than she had.

So here the two of them were, not in a relationship but not dating anyone else either. Not talking and deeply in love with each other. Could the universe get anymore perverse?

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It was 2 am again she noticed from her seat at the kitchen table. Insomnia still held sway over her life but tonight she had decided to use her sleeplessness constructively, she hoped. Slowly the words began to emerge and littered the pages in front of her. This was her story of friendship, heartbreak, frustration, and love ambiguously exposing her for the world to see. She didn't know if once recorded this song would even be understood for what it was or if the listeners would twist it to fit their own stories. Honestly it didn't really matter as long as she got it down and out of her head. She reread, tweaked and reread again until it flowed.

Olivia suddenly snorted at the ludicrousness of everything that had happened in the last nearly 8 months. How stupid and wasteful the time had been. Getting up, she stuffed her pages into her bag, pulled her sneakers on and left the apartment. She didn't care anymore that it was 4 am, or that she was in her pajamas or that she had to go 4 blocks over and 4 more blocks up on foot before she got to their apartment. Reaching the building's front door she paused to pull out her cell phone.

'**Wen, open the door or I'll hit the buzzer and wake Scott'**was the text she sent. She'd tried visiting him once before, in the first month (at a reasonable hour) but as soon as he discovered it was her he'd ignored the buzzer until Stella had shown up and pulled her away. This time she heard the soft buzz and click as the front door was unlocked for her. Quickly she pulled it open and dashed up to their second floor apartment where she found him standing in their open door. Her breath coming in slight gasps she gazed at him, falling in love again with the disheveled, red haired boy. His sleepy green eyes bore into hers as she slowly approached and stood as close as she dared, not sure what she meant to say but determined to do something before he could rebuff her again.

He didn't say anything but crossed his arms over his bare chest as she continued to stare at him, searching for words. Finally they came to her.

"I know what I want," She leaned in quickly pressing her lips urgently to his and tried to tell him with a kiss that what she wanted was to be with him forever.

At first he didn't respond and when she realized he'd placed his hands on her shoulders she expected him to push her away. But he didn't. Suddenly his mouth was moving against hers taking her breath away. His arms pulled her closer and he broke the kiss to bury his face into her neck, hugging her into his chest. Holding him just as tightly she took a deep breath, another and yet another, reminding herself to breathe, just breathe.

_incipiens_


End file.
